This is our third time having a baby, and we’re starting to feel like we know what we’re doing. A friend asked for advice for their first baby and it prompted me to write some things down.

I’m leaving this post unlisted from the main blog page, because

• It’s the only non-programming post,
• it’s not very polished, and
• I’m not interested in angry emails from the baby-friendly hospital people or anyone else,

but feel free to share it with people you know if you think it would be helpful.

in the hospital

There is a group trying to get hospitals to be certified as “baby-friendly”. I think it’s a little less popular than when we had our first-born (or maybe less popular here than when we lived in Colorado), but there are still echoes of it. Baby-friendly hospitals prioritize breastfeeding at the expense of parental well-being.

The first 24 hours of baby’s life, they’re very tired and not hungry yet. The second night is usually much harder, as baby is no longer tired and wants to eat often. Because of the baby-first goals, the nurses want you to be latching baby to the breast in order to stimulate milk supply. This is definitely worth doing if you’re planning to breastfeed! But if you don’t have enough milk to feed them yet, the baby will be hungry and angry. You have some options that the nurses may not tell you about:

• Pacifiers can help baby stay asleep a bit longer between feeds. The nurses will not offer them unless you ask, and may discourage their use. They also seem only to have ineffective ones—these green Soothie ones that don’t stay in the baby’s mouth. We used Mam brand pacifiers and found them to work better.
• Other people’s milk. You may have a friend who can give you a bag of frozen milk. Otherwise, the hospital definitely has donor milk available.

If the baby isn’t figuring out breastfeeding (our first two boys never figured it out) you can feed them with a syringe or a spoon, which the hospital can bring you.

Things to buy or not buy

• 0-3 months is a different size than newborn. Some babies never wear newborn size.

• flannel swaddles, for use as burp cloths, blankets, and (for the first couple of weeks) swaddles. The hospital will provide these while you’re there.

• wet bags, for transporting wet/soiled clothes and diapers when you’re out.

• somewhere to safely put down the baby that can be carried from room to room. For example, next to your dining table. Snuggle Me, baby Bjorn bouncer, or swing.

• a snoo, if possible. This is a robot bassinet that rocks the baby, and rocks more strongly if they start to fuss. The baby will still wake up when they’re hungry (as they should!) but it will help them stay asleep from one sleep cycle to the next. These are expensive ($1700 new), but we bought ours for $700 on craigslist. We’ve used it twice and have loaned it to neighbors, friends, and cousins for their babies. When we’re done I’m anticipating that we’ll be able to sell it for about $700 again. They recently put some features behind a monthly paywall (😡), but the only one of those that’s actually important is weaning mode. We haven’t paid for the subscription yet, but might end up paying for the last month of use, when we need weaning mode.

• boudreaux’s butt paste. This is a really effective cream for preventing or assuaging diaper rash.

• A wrap or frontpack for baby-wearing. You can also use a thin blanket if you learn to fold and wrap it right. These are great for keeping baby happy but still having both your hands free.

• Sleepsacks with velcro wings to wrap the baby’s arms. They sleep best like this (which is why swaddling is a thing), and sleepsacks can be used with older babies than swaddles (which start to unwrap once baby gets bigger and stronger).

• things not to buy:

  • fancy high chair. It’s just going to get covered in food. The IKEA one is great and can be easily cleaned.
  • warmers for baby wipes. I didn’t even know these existed until Morgan suggested it for this list. The baby will be just fine without it.
  • shirts. Baby is rarely vertical and shirts just ride up. Use onesies instead.
  • baby toys. They don’t care, and you’ll get these from friends and family.
  • baby socks will be lost nearly immediately. Consider them effectively disposable, and think about skipping them altogether.

Medical stuff

• a nosefrida and nasal saline can avoid a trip to the ER. Babies can’t breathe through their mouths. You can use this to clear mucous from their nose when baby is congested enough to have trouble eating or sleeping.
  • You can buy nasal saline, or make it at home with sanitized (boiling) water and salt. Google for the proportions. This dilutes the mucus, making it less viscous.
  • Doing this too often (as in, more than every few hours) can be counter-productive, as the baby will cry a lot, producing mucus. It also inflames their nostrils.
  • The hospital will give you a suction bulb for this job, but it can’t be cleaned. They may or may not mention this, but it should be thrown away after one use.
  • If you can’t keep their airway clear, this list has signs that indicate you should take them to the ER: https://www.physio-pedia.com/Signs_of_Respiratory_Distress_in_Children
• If your baby has a fever of 38°C or higher in the first six weeks of their life, take them to the ER. It might be meningitis, which must be treated quickly.
• If you have a history of anxiety or depression, meet with a therapist before baby is due and set up an appointment for the first week after they’re due as well. Post partum depression is the most common complication of childbirth.

general tips

• when someone in your community offers to help, believe that it’s a true offer. People love to hold babies and to help new parents. Accepting help is a great way to build community and turn acquaintances into friends.
  • bringing a meal
  • picking something up from the store
  • holding baby while you nap
  • walking the dog
  • keeping you company (babies are terrible conversationalists)
• if you’re going to a large event and want to avoid people trying to pass baby around (thereby giving them germs), wear the baby in a front pack or wrap.
• A baby cannot fall off the floor. If you need to set them down while you wash your hands or something, the floor is a safe place.
• When baby’s been fed, has a dry diaper, and has been burped but still won’t stop screaming, you can use “The Five S’s,” which often helps calm them down:
  • Side. Hold the baby on their side with their tummy against yours
  • Swaddle
  • Suck. Give them a pacifier
  • Sway from side to side
  • Shush. The shushing sound is reminiscent of the constant background noise inside the womb, and is calming for babies.
• you can keep pump parts in the fridge to avoid washing them.
• consider introducing bottles in the first few weeks. This will let you take turns with wake-ups, and avoids the situation where baby rejects the bottle at the end of parental leave.
• many lotions and soaps marketed as being for babies contain synthetic fragrances, which can be hard on baby’s skin. This includes Johnson&Johnson “no more tears”. Try to find a fragrance free ( “free and clear”) soap, and use Cetaphil or equivalent lotion after bath time.